My recent YouTube history has been kind of a deep dive. I’m continually surprising myself with how talented some people can be. Programmers fascinate me. Competitive programmers in flux are a wonder to look at, as they bring an algorithm to life with muscle reflex and ingenuity.

I didn’t know procedurally generated games relied on “noise maps” to make their universes come about. Made me think about all that background radiation left over from our universe’s start, and wonder how many worlds can be found within the static. How many stories can be strewn out from all that true randomness? An infinite amount of monkeys… you know the drill.

I’m operating in a fugue state, zoned out, not quite there, like my brain’s on autocomplete mode and all the suggested words are wrong in a funny way. I have a lot of work to do in the following days, and all of it involves me sitting at my desk, obsessing about my writing, always worrying wether I’m short on the tools I need.

This is why I’ve been more active on this blog. The flow of words keeps me in a healthy momentum. I’ve also given a simple refresh to the cosmic fail Facebook page. I feel like this candidness can help me in the long run. I wonder if I’ll keep this up.

I recently uploaded all my book data to a spreadsheet, so it can generate, amongst other bookish insights, how much money I’m losing on the books I haven’t read yet. It’s a scary number, this sum total of my shelf-ish investments. Not that I didn’t expect it, though. The read-to-unread ratio is quite favorable, luckily. It’s invigorating to finish something, like a feeling of accomplishment — a fleeting, soothing moment between the chaos.

People remain the most consistent of static. Infinitely noisy, chaotic, frustratingly annoying.

On a writing masterclass, David Sedaris talked about how, when adverse things happen to him, he feels lucky to be a writer. “What can other people do about it? You, on the other hand, can do something. Use it.” When people treat you badly, or misjudge you, or think of yourself as beneath them, think of it as a gift. “They’re giving you special glasses to get to really know them.” Sometimes I wish I didn’t, though. Judging by all the effort and care some people put into unleashing their own insecurities to the world, you’d think they regard it as an art form.

Alright. This one can end here.

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